The 'H' Word

Hospice:

Acorn's Children's Hospice
Established in 1988, Acorns Children's Hospice Trust is a registered charity offering a network of care for life limited and life threatened children and young people, and their families, across the heart of England. These children and young people are not expected to reach adulthood and require specialist care 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Acorns is currently supporting over 630 children and more than 880 families, including those who are bereaved.

I left Little H on his own there today for the first time...


Four hours in total I will be away. 

He will have time in the hydro pool and the sensory room. His nurse is lovely. She has had him before and I know she will look after him. I feel quite proud of myself for leaving him.  I know it is in his best interests - he needs to get used to spending time with other people and the time in the pool and sensory room will be fun. It is good for me - I need to learn to trust that others can take care of him and give myself a bit of 'me' time. I know it is a 'good thing'. 

I have left him for a few hours recently too; with his complex carers at a sensory play group. So really this is no big deal. It really shouldn't be. There are nurses there. They deal with far more complex children than H. Much sicker ones too...


I left him easily enough. Managed to wander round some local shops and grab a coffee and a muffin. But then it hit me. And tears stung my eyes. And a hard lump formed in my throat. And my hands shook.  And my stomach squirmed and churned so much I had to concentrate on not being sick. 

Spending time away from Little H isn't the problem. Leaving him in the capable hands of a team of nurses isn't what's upsetting.  Its not the leaving him itself that is difficult.


I have just realised I have left my son at a hospice.

A Hospice.      And all that implies.

My son.

And it is breaking my heart.